Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Today, I found a mouse in my kitchen. Wanting to go about it the humane way, I captured the little guy and released it outside. I then watched as a stray cat in my yard noticed and brutally murdered it. No good deed… FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
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Top comments
Yimpish 15
Next time, call a professional
carsonator45 9
Don't piss them off!
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Comments (112)
Phawkser 2
Waste not want not
jrodjets 3
And big deal. People shoot and eat squirrels all the time. If you want you can go squirrel hunting when ever. Don't need tags or anything
manuwish 9
uhm..what is the place called where you live?
SecundusSecunda 27
The FML said OP posted from North Carolina
manuwish 9
it sounds a little outbackish..or redneckish..the question is, if you want to live outside the city and be closer to nature, why were those sqirrels even bothering you? because of their almost inaudible little scuttle at night?
FailStaff 15
Killing squirrels is against the law in most if not all states
tbro47 23
It's actually not. So long as it's not in a populated area of course. Generally done in a forest.
Nezah 6
I see nothing wrong really. If it was a clean kill and they didn't suffer
StarkWolf_fml 23
think of it this way Free Pest Control
Ov2000 11
WTF? ?
jsaw9509 5
send him to my house I got one in my attic I can't seem to catch lol
Muerteds 18
You're new to the South, aren't you? ;)