Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML
Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
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Top comments
Maguru 17
A little too early to be introduced to bookkake isn't he?! In all seriousness though that's concerning. I hope your parents will intervene because it sounds like he needs the talk and another about personal belongings. .-.
alphafish17 16
Hey some people are really in to cell division!
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Comments (70)
singlwforlife 22
Biology books must have gotten much more interesting since I left high school!
darwinism 30
Practical sessions are as important as theoretical knowledge. Juat don't let him use any chemistry textbooks OP.
doodlecloud 27
He actually likes those creepy starey biology diagrams? Geez you could probably just draw him a picture of a naked person yourself and it would be sexier. Would get your book back too.
Kingsz 7
He's 9. I'm sure anything that looks like the female anatomy would get him off if he's never seen it before.
AbortionSurvivor 13
Why is a nine year old masturbating? When I was nine I was playing with hot wheels cars and watching cartoons However, now that I'm 28 I can safely say it's become a hobby
warrenhoward42 20
what the actual ****?
redheadedmonster 24
OP sorry your brother is a turd. Hopefully you finally got some studying done. Also this isn't that uncommon for boys to be masturbating at 9 since boys can start puberty as early as 9. Just ask your parents to have "the talk" with him OP. Hopefully that way it can be taken care of properly.
bandaidstations 28
Read the post. He is her neighbor not her brother.
Ash1179 17
read again, it says brother
vikky538 29
And the next thing you know is your socks will be starchy
dutchy86 20
at least he is into books :)
riddhi 16
wait, nine????
synthetictruism 18
paste some photos of your Mum into the book. Might help make it a little less appealing to jack-off too