Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, my 19 year-old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML
Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML
Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML
Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML
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Top comments
Maguru 17
A little too early to be introduced to bookkake isn't he?! In all seriousness though that's concerning. I hope your parents will intervene because it sounds like he needs the talk and another about personal belongings. .-.
alphafish17 16
Hey some people are really in to cell division!
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Comments (70)
tomvertigo 17
To be fair he was executing his own study. Get your parents involved or buy him a Maxim.
worldclassrager 41
The age of nine? Get him an anatomy book..that should suit him better...or just keep your book locked up
Luxray24 13
Why is he masturbating at nine???
yourwifelovesme 25
I'm surprised 9 year olds are actually biologically capable of orgasms and erections lol all joking aside
bonermonkey 31
seriously?
mattyiscool123 26
You didn't know that?
Kielnmsoftly 26
We all got a little hot and bothered when we found out mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Can't blame the little guy.
mkayden 23
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. That's all you need to know
estrada813 11
That is way too young.. I didn't even think about that at that age
buymevickis92 26
When I was 9 sex was the furthest thing from my mind. Times are really changing.
Keiraquarium 12
Not really. Most kids experience sexual urges. They (generally) don't really understand what they're actually doing but it's pretty normal. It's just biology.
ouijacorn 9
Those sexy sexy diagrams, right? ;) I vaguely remember being that age when even the most clinical descriptions of sexuality were titillating because it's all new and exciting. Don't be too hard on him, OP, just explain that you need the book for studying.
TheMarethyu 2
at least he is learning