Part of the furniture
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
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Top comments
audranaille 15
me-OW
ScratchCatPower 32
MEEEEDIC! Did you make the noise that Tom from Tom and Jerry makes when Jerry puts Tom's tail in a mouse trap? OWWWOOOHOHOH!
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Comments (38)
RichardPencil 32
What a catastrophe! I'm feline your pain!
DravensTheName 16
This fml is so scary I almost puma pants..
ihatedouchbags 17
Serious question, why do people take in cats as pets? I don't see the appeal, they're not loyal, selfish and very destructive. Dogs I do understand because they're the exact opposite. They do have their cons but not as bad as cats.
claudiajean 24
Cats can be extremely loyal! Mine greets you when you get home, runs up to you like a dog would! He sleeps on my mums bed every night and nudges her awake in the morning, he's even worked out that by tapping her phone when the alarm goes off, she makes the noise stop (by snoozing it) so he tries to tap it sometimes. Cats can be fab!
Jared900DUmpling 30
Ah, i seem to have stumbled upon an unbased opinion presented as a fact. I shall dutyfully downvote 16 as my reaction.
Catdragon 40
My cats love me, in fact I have one curled up on my lap. You don't understand them because they are probably more intelligent than you. People are obsessed with being their slaves for a couple of purrs, but who do you have waiting on you? All jokes aside, I absolutely love cats. Cats are less likely to maul your face off and kill you than a dog is. How loyal is it when your fido decides one day that it wants you dead? My cat does not slobber over any passing stranger, my cat loves only me. They are independent but also friendly. The cat was not trying to intentionally hurt the op, accidents happen? Would you blame a 100lbs dog if it ran past a child and made it trip and break it's arm? Probably not.
Catdragon 40
My cat learned how to open the door after observing me. She would jump up and hang off the doorknob until it turned and then she would drop down and put her paw under the door and pull it open. I love how smart cats are.
claudiajean 24
My cat did this off of my throat the other day. Thankfully no piercings ripped out, just a lack of being able to breathe for a bit
Tyrax 16
First, ow. That sucks. Second, if it was a large earring or hoop, there's really no one to blame. Just poor luck that it got snagged and ripped. Third, I know most dermatologists either can or can recommend someone to fix that.
RichardPencil 32
There should be a claws in the Terms and Conditions to prevent this site from being littered with this cat-egory of humor!
igottapee 27
you signed up for this when you decided to get a cat.
Catdragon 40
Well to be fair, 4 million people are bit every year by dogs and around 30 people die from it. Usually it's a very brutal death where the dog mauls them. I guess dog owners signed up for that when they chose to get a dog.
species4872 20
Why does it always become a cat dog thing? There are good and bad cats,dogs. If the animal gives the owner or in some cases the owned companionship, love etc what difference does it make whether it's a cat,dog, aardvark or whatever. Each to their own.
Catdragon 40
I've noticed though that dog lovers like to paint cats as satan's spawn. On a lot of fmls about cats, some people like to say you should have got a dog or something like that. I don't mind dogs, I think they're cute as well. But when I see someone saying bad things about cats and good things about dogs, I point out the bad things about dogs to show them that even dogs have their flaws. People need to remember that they're not stuffed animals, they're living beings with their own personalities. If you don't respect that, don't expect them to respect you. I agree that it doesn't matter what kind of pet someone has, as long as it provides companionship and loves you.
DragonicPlague 9
Ouch...
collinchildress 12
Reason 1,362,697,421 on why not to have a cat.
lizt 22
Omg! I hope you've healed well, ugh sucks that happened Hun