Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
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Top comments
breemonster 13
Cats...assholes but yet we love them.
Dave_Davington 34
At least you won't feel bad about it next time you accidentally step on him.
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Comments (4)
breemonster 13
Cats...assholes but yet we love them.
Dave_Davington 34
At least you won't feel bad about it next time you accidentally step on him.
weaboo 12
If you have a cat that just happens sometimes and you live with that
Mungolikecandy 19
Cats. The serial killer people invite to live with them.