Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, I found out that my overweight daughter’s teacher starved her during a pizza party. She made her wait an hour until the entire class got a slice and their seconds. When it was her turn, there was only one tiny slice. According to her, she, “looks like she hasn’t missed a meal, she’ll be alright.” FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I was told it is "fatphobic" to "assume someone's weight is related to their food choices" and that I have a "problematic relationship with food." All because I didn't want to eat a bigger slice of the cake someone brought in at work. FML
Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML
Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
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Top comments
khorstmye 15
But pizza is healthy right?
AhmadTarhini 8
One just can't simply give up eating pizza tbh
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Comments (49)
aleexxiisrenee 1
My coworker could only eat fruits and veggies for her "fasting," but insisted that a banana cream pie was okay to eat because it was "made of bananas".
False_Stupidity 42
Bananas are technically a herb too so she was doubly wrong.
flee2321 10
Pizza doesn't count. Its not ok to say no to pizza.
ohmyfml32117 11
Why does it matter she's thick
night1234 16
Because thick can mean "mentally slow; stupid; dull," which is what OP's co-worker obviously is.
squarecircles 13
Either way, sounds like she's a real dough head.
Sillsallad 15
This is a fml for her for being ignorant, and a rofl for you!
granCanyon 12
Well, there's cauliflower pizza.
tintin10_fml 13
Pizza is considered a vegetable according to congress. And who cares if she doesn't believe you. it's her diet, not yours.
gobiteme2 34
And you believe congress in all things. Great thinking
Retaheki 27
They're in the UK, dude.
Kramer1998 20
Have you considered taking her to a psychiatrist
Smooth_Criminal 24
*Argue with a moron.*
TransitLetum 9
Maybe she's just in denial. I'm a "vegetarian" that allows bacon. Whenever someone says something about it I tell them, "Bacon's not a meat, it's a vitamin, and you should always get your daily dose of vitamin B." You should see the reactions I get from waiters when I order a veggie-burger with bacon.
ThatDamHuntress 20
I hate bacon so, maybe I'm lacking in vitamins. It's just a burnt strip of pork.
cheeeksss 29
You hate bacon, and also commented "not everyone likes pizza." Wtf do you eat? Those two things are essentially my entire diet.
JayVicious 20
you hate bacon? i think you have never tasted happiness or your mixing it up with canadian bacon.
Retaheki 27
"a burnt strip of pork" That's like saying bread is "a bunch of burned plants." It sounds ignorant.
ThatDamHuntress 20
I hate how I'm getting thumped down for saying I hate Bacon and Pizza. Yet, if someone says they hate cauliflower it is perfectly acceptable. You people are the ignorant people I have to put up with everyday. Idiots.
ThatDamHuntress 20
#70 Canadian Bacon is Ham for Us and most likely not in strips. Please learn to read.
slackerjoe 22
You hate bacon and pizza? do you even have taste buds? I haven't ever heard of a person who didn't like bacon.
tdawg91 17
You hate bacon? I've had guys buy me flowers, jewellery, take me to fancy restaurants and even beautiful beach holidays....... Still, the most romantic thing a man has ever done for me is make me a bacon sandwich when I was hungover, I didn't even ask him to
ThatDamHuntress 20
Who here likes Cauliflower? So, if someone says "I don't" to that question they are not crazy? Are They? Yet if someone says they don't like bacon we have to put them in a mental hospital.
JayVicious 20
i do indeed know how to read. I also know what canadian bacon is, i was saying you must have mixed bacon up with canadian bacon because thats the only way it makes sense. Cant belive your using cauliflower as an example here either. it isnt a very popular food to begin with so cant really hold up in a bacon discussion. you are the 1st iv seen say you dont like pizza or bacon and like #57 said even vegitarians like it.
SparksTheSadie 18
I also hate both. What I eat? Real food.
amberv61 22
#105 you do realize that a majority of people do like pizza/bacon and a majority of people don't like cauliflower. Do you really expect them to get thumbed down when a lot of people agree with them? Even then I'm not sure why you are so fixated on being thumbed down. If you really want to know why you're being thumbed down its because the arrogance you have for not liking what majority of people like. That and I'm not a fan of people that have to jump in a conversation just to say they don't like what people do like. The comment wasn't necessary
ThatDamHuntress 20
So just because "The Majority" of people like it does that mean everyone has to like it. I used to like it but, my taste buds change. It's not like I hate it because everyone else likes it but, because I don't know maybe taste buds. Apparently I should be going to a doctor and getting him to change my taste buds because I'm insane. The popularity of the food has nothing to do with it. It's taste buds. Does Everyone here like peanut butter? Avocado? No and they wouldn't be Considered crazy if they said they didn't. I know what you're all thinking. That I should be walking myself to my local mental hospital. You all are crazy control freaks thinking everyone HAS to like the same things.
Retaheki 27
Three things; You don't have to conform to society standards, we just don't agree/ like what you say, so we DISlike it. Save your time, a taste bud dies after about 10-14 days. Taste buds have nothing to do with food favorites (besides actually tasting it) because your brain handles that.