Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying to pick up dog poo, I tripped and landed in the pile. FML
Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML
Today, as I was walking my dog around the block, I fell in the splits position on wet dirt and ripped my pants right on the front. I then had to walk home casually holding a chihuahua on my crotch hoping I would not run into anyone. FML
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Top comments
ohSNAPyall 27
Change of plans. Time to teach about situational irony.
WattledParsley 11
Everyone else
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Comments (44)
ohSNAPyall 27
Change of plans. Time to teach about situational irony.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
ya thats some shit
wvcheesehead 13
Cleanliness is next to dogliness.
ohSNAPyall 27
That was a solid joke! Don't hide it by replying to an unrelated comment.
C00L10GAL 4
I read this in a British accent. I mean, who didn't?
WattledParsley 11
Everyone else
1dvs_bstd 41
total bollocks.
StogieXX 11
Who else uses "whilst"?
Mauskau 36
I'm British so I might've done?
NLM22 14
I only did after you posted this.
nofreeusernames 10
Theory lesson turned practical. Very innovative
Classy_Sassy15 18
Just tell them what happened hopefully they'll understand.
_mocha1_ 10
That sounds like a shitty experiance
OgBloodRaven 10
You had the perfect opportunity and you can't even spell the word right... (facepalm) 'Merica
Retaheki 27
#16, why assume #7 is American? I'm American and I can spell. It makes you look bad as a person pointing out someone's nationality as their handicap, even if you don't know their nationality. It's people like you who make America look bad.
buckstop1 37
THUMB IT DOWN TO HELL!
WavRace 14
Assuming you landed on your butt. Make sure you don't turn around OP
Pleonasm 36
It's a dog eat dog turd out there.
devildog562 33
Use yourself as an example of what not to smell like. Really sucks though op .
LittleBlackbird 20
Use it as an advantage! I mean, you made the subject visual like that and every kid will be able to empathize with the situation. You can ask them how they feel when it happens to them and how we can make sure this kind of things don't happen anymore.
panicsdisaster 17
hopefully it was still fresh so you had a soft landing?
Retaheki 27
I think it would be better if it was old, so it'd come off easier.
panicsdisaster 17
was joking