Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
Today, I found out that my overweight daughter’s teacher starved her during a pizza party. She made her wait an hour until the entire class got a slice and their seconds. When it was her turn, there was only one tiny slice. According to her, she, “looks like she hasn’t missed a meal, she’ll be alright.” FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I was told it is "fatphobic" to "assume someone's weight is related to their food choices" and that I have a "problematic relationship with food." All because I didn't want to eat a bigger slice of the cake someone brought in at work. FML
Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML
Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML
Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
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Top comments
khorstmye 15
But pizza is healthy right?
AhmadTarhini 8
One just can't simply give up eating pizza tbh
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Comments (49)
Ipsum629 13
pizza is pretty much bread that had been baked with tomato sauce and cheese on it. it's not ideal for people who want to lose weight. may I recommend a nice plate of tofu chicken nuggets instead?
cadillacgal79 32
Tofu chicken nuggets? Sounds even worse than the actual thing.
Retaheki 27
Implying tofu nuggets are good for losing weight. They're just meat substitutes bro, not weight loss helpers. Hell, I'd think it'd be a better idea to eat the pizza instead of nuggets.
happysmile987 24
Maybe it's the yeast? But I'm not sure. Either way, good luck sitting behind a person with the same mental captivity as a retarded brick.
slackerjoe 22
actually its the white flour. it used to be made out of something else, that actually had sustenance, before one of the world wars but it didn't keep well, so they started using the bleached, over processed crap.
kidtoy 18
Too good to be excuse not to eat.
vikky538 29
I bet she knows but too stubborn to accept it...
StickyPickles 33
At least she isn't your superior. That would truly suck
MandaGLPanda 7
Pizza is a vegetable even congress says so.
drayloon 50
I misinterpreted "thick" as "chubby" the first time I read this. if that's her diet plan, I'm probably right though anyway...
sahmnc420 13
Print out a recipe and ingredient list for both. An maybe a healthy eating book for idiots
False_Stupidity 42
I'm sure that there would have to be a dieting for dummies book out there.
trachelm 1
How does this affect you enough to be an FML, it's more of a FHL wouldn't you think?
AirBusDriver 23
What a pizza shit...