Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
modifiedchick 0
dump him
ohhhhno 0
93 is pissed they can't get laid. :(
LilKonvicted 0
haha! :3
itsgen 16
hahah this one is my new FAVORITE LMAO i cant believe he said that AND pulled out but this should of been an fml for him cuz hes stupid i think he might like the dirty talk but he didnt get what you were trying to do
mdman_fml 0
LMAO i moderated this one, i couldnt wait to see peoples comments on this, i LMAO'd when i read this
omglyktotally78 0
I only say what I say cuz I haven't gotten laid in over a month and I'm used to having sex on the reg. Other people talking about having sex makes me bitter/jealous. Hence the bitchy response which is #93. Don't take it too seriously, just words of a person who hasn't gotten any in a while. :)
lakeylove 0
LAME EVERYONE USES THAT! say ooooh im gonna have to clean u after this or oooooh i like this part. IM NOT EVEN A TEEN and i kno that. dont be so original be EXOCTIC! well dont post erotic adds on craiglisyt the cerial killer will want u!
repyourcliche 0
"everyone uses that... i'm not even a teen" oh god, tell me you are not serious?
Chocolate_Chunk 2
that's what **** movies do to you
Naheelawhatwhat 0
See if I end up talking dirty to my boyfriend and saying anything like that, he'll end up cuming a lot sooner and I usually don't want that to happen so I just keep quiet during sex.
likeduhhx4 0
woah what a lame boyfriend, he could have said something sexy back, but no he ruined it. get a new boyfriend.
allstarplayer324 0
not your fault lol, he has some insecurities he should get worked out...