Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
SaphireScorpion 0
What a little bitch. "I'm trying as hard as I can"? Insecure much?
xHaniffax 0
HAAHAAAAHAHAH #123 I believe, this is an inappropriate time to be quoting Linkin Park even though I love that song.
jillz 0
You're loose.
Niasyn 0
What "man" would stop having sex because of something like that? Maybe he should stick to watching ****.
BlackHighHeels 0
Aw... That's actually kinda cute in a way. Did he not KNOW what you meant? He sounds so innocent.
milkradio 0
LOL that's kind of adorable, in a sad way.
alexis89 0
Ok, I'm the OP and i just have a few things to say-- I'm not having a pity party for myself; when I told this story to my best friend she laughed and said "That sounds like an FML. You should submit it." So I did. Also, this actually happened about two years ago, it just says today because thats the format for FMLs. After I told my boyfriend I was trying to talk dirty, he got all embarrassed and we laughed about it. He said he thought that I wasn't the dirty talking type. I'm still with the same boyfriend, and we have a great sex life, dirty talk included. Sorry it didn't actually happen today, I hope no one gets angry over that because well, when it happened I'm not even sure if Fmylife existed. Anyways, no, I'm not an idiot and no my boyfriend isn't a prude. PS. Lol@ 167
peel_fml 0
Haha that's just funny.
iambean 4
you can come over to my house and say that any time you want. I encourage it.
kissmyass_fml 0
hahaaa #34 well, he's capable of ******* a girl hard but its clearer that he's incapable of ******* a girl HARDER