Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML
Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML
Today, a stranger came up to me with a flirty smile, greeted me by my name, and asked if I remembered him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, so I asked him to tell me. He promptly left with a disappointed look. He was the most gorgeous person I've ever seen. FML
Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding, "Well, not completely, I guess." FML
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Top comments
flockz 20
"i know you wanna come home with me and hit this. here hold my cup-- *blahghhhhgahahga* ya you wanna hit this."
eeppiicc 8
You're 16 how have you "done that once"?
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Comments (120)
loserman67 36
I'm sitting here laughing my ass off because I get a mental image of your evening going something like this: "Ello Darling, BLLAHAHHGGGHHGGH" "Oh my, excuse me Dear. My you're a handsome Bloke..BLLLAGAGAGHHHGGGA" "I was wondering if you'd like to go to my flat and give me a good Rodgering...BLLAHAGGGHHAGGHAGGA" "Oh my, sorry for my cheese breath, but you'll never smell it as I slob your knob, BBALLAGGGHHHA" "Where are you going, I was hoping you'd stick your stiffy in me, BLLLAAGGAGAHHHAGGA" "COME BBLLLAGAGAHHHAGAGAA BACK, PLEASE COME BLLAGGAHAGGA BACK, STOP RUNNING"
flockz 20
lol at slob on your knob.
Deemee 3
Blind drunk and puking. Wow. You are quite a catch...
awesomesauce121 2
Not first!
lhfireman 0
really? u couldn't control ur alcohol the first time and completely forget about vomiting all over the place. yeah, that's a turn on
ALLDAY88 8
Honestly, I don't think you drank enough.
MissMcFly 6
Just be like "Oh that was me? I dont remember that... Anyways busy tomorrow night?" lol it might work(:
Fragmonto 5
First impressions... They're so important.
austinha11 0
Wh0re. Drinking isn't impressive.
jmalaer 5
Blind drunk? Propositioning him? I'm sorry but nobody says these things where I come from, I have no idea what OP is talking about really. I get the general idea, but can somebody please translate?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Seriously? Instead of looking like the total idiot you are, go on... oh... I don't know... urbandictionary<dot>com.
charmanderCHAR 5
You are obviously blind, because you did not read that OP was from the UK. They have different ways of speaking, you arrogant piece of shit.
crammer1 6
Don't worry OP...I've done that too. Too much alcohol = too much confidence with lowered inhibitions. It can be an embarassing combo. Atleast you didn't get that drunk at a work party. That's the worst!!!