Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to wish us a happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us again and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML
Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML
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Top comments
masterblaster39 0
according to my wife.....******** only take 4 minutes!
swaggintothamax 0
15 is a wayy too long. I'd be bored by then
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Comments (88)
shamille 5
htownlove, actually lay is the transitive and lie is the intransitive. like you can lay something (an object) but you can't lie anything. but! you can lay your body down!
giselleluv 0
I hate it when people do this. Next time she or anyone does this don't answer your cell and if you do , tell the rude person that you aren't home or that you have the swine flu.
shamille 5
well, it's not like she has keys, right? RIGHT?!?!?
CallMeHush 1
Ma stop and get yourself lunch because we are about to **** each other silly.
asianwolf 2
omg the Adolph hitler of grammer nazis is snickerdoodle!!!!!!!1!!1!!1!!!!!
sourgirl101 29
Since you waited so long, a quickie won't do. You want it good and long. I would of let her in, told her to watch the baby if he/she woke up, and gone in the bedroom and FU#KED the hell out of my husband! She knows you guys screw already. Hello, you have a baby.
astro2 0
who gives are crap about YOU op, your a women. Did you at least satisfy your man and give him head?? lmao j/k i say get plastered and have a 3 way
beer01 0
You can always do it again later after she leaves or some other day. You ain't gunna run outta time sweetie.
im2good25 0
snickerdoodle I want your cawk
fireobsessed 0
snickerbitch is bak