Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to wish us a happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us again and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML
Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML
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Top comments
masterblaster39 0
according to my wife.....******** only take 4 minutes!
swaggintothamax 0
15 is a wayy too long. I'd be bored by then
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Comments (88)
htownlove 0
actually lay is for an object and lie is for a person
olw25 0
quicky time!!!
grimpow_fml 0
Am I the only one here confused? They're married, she refers to the child as THEIR child, but then then she says the mother called cause she was on the way? wtfparadox?
srammer99 0
shut up snikkerdoodles
grimpow_fml 0
hmm. well, I suppose upon rereading I noticed this. I was focused on the topic of the child, so when I read "his mother" I immediately thought of the child and was confused. this fml makes much more sense now
missbreann 0
no need to be rude
Baagsbaseball 5
I was right there with you. Lol.
kenyrabit 25
Why assume the baby's male? I had asumed Op meant their husband's mom.
Diannaa 0
I would have told her... well idk nevermind, my mom would never do something like that lol
Ihatewhinypeople 0
I would have told her we weren't home so tough luck. People that try to pull that shit piss me off. FYL.
kelleyb323 0
Melissa? Is this you?
Jose403 0
well, sounds like you had just enough time lol
korn247 5
lmao FYL...
visage 0
I will agree it sucks, but at least she called. It would have been much worse with her walking in as the head slides in!!!
iluvtnbc 0
you should have told her you were going somewhere