Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
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Top comments
Fuaaad1994 31
Sharing is caring..
infected150 27
Im sorry to hear that, dads will be dads.
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Comments (92)
kelsorg 21
you should know its never a good thing to go look at something in the bathroom.
JJ_86 22
Must've been a Turd bit of awkward situation. FYL
darrend1196 21
I think this is one of the funniest fmls I've ever read. :)
Respect101 17
You haven't been on here long then. I know not all are funny, but if this is the funniest... wow..
Vampyro90 3
Ohh so you saw Bono today...
biloxi_girl 22
I have never understood why people do this. You kinda walked into it though. When someone says "come take a look at this shit" and you go, you deserve it.
biloxi_girl 22
Excuse me "get a load of this shit"
therealjc_fml 14
Shitty
Futacy 30
STFU!!
buckdharma 38
Maybe he should plant a flag in it and name it. Suggestion? How bout Shitsburgh?
crushcrusher 33
dads can be crazy sometimes.
randomperson961 7
That must be pretty shitty if you ask me
foxwasalamb 24
really.
vikky538 29
fathers day it is...