Today, while celebrating my 10 years home from Iraq, my brother told us about his new affiliation with Scientology. Apparently, all those roadside bombs I keep dreaming about are just alien ghosts that need to be purged. What's worse is how well it fuses with his new brand of politics: YouTube QAnon channels! FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I introduced my two crazy friends who are both into QAnon to each other. It went so poorly that now they fight online over who has better facts, and they both complain to me about the other. FML
Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML
Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML
Today, my brother celebrated 10 years of denying I exist with a Facebook post celebrating “My departed brother.” I’ve been self-secluded for 10 years with schizophrenia. FML
Today, I lost a second friend to QAnon conspiracy theories. Worst yet, he started messaging everyone I know on Facebook, telling them I'm a hypocrite who doesn’t “do his research.” Those who don’t now think he was my gay lover believe we were lab partners. What do I do with that? FML
Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML
Today, my brother has decided to hustle hate groups. Everyone, including the police, think he's some sort of Robin Hood. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he's trying to recruit people. Any day now we're going to be attacked by Nazis. FML
Today, my girlfriend was excited because her uncle was coming for a visit. She started telling me stories about him, and the more she talked, the worse it got. I’m fairly certain uncle is a cult leader, and that my girlfriend was born into and brainwashed by a cult that got shut down by the police. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Cut him off. If he never comes out of the rabbit hole, you don't want to deal with him.
Chazzster 32
I guess someone attracted to one cult is likely to also be attracted to another… Hopefully you don’t have to deal with cult brother very often.
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Comments (3)
Chazzster 32
I guess someone attracted to one cult is likely to also be attracted to another… Hopefully you don’t have to deal with cult brother very often.
RichardPencil 32
Cut him off. If he never comes out of the rabbit hole, you don't want to deal with him.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Take him to Iraq. He'll soon change his tune.
tiptoppc 21
That’s because after he encounters the ghost, He’ll b flat-line