Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
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Comments (241)
underthesea12 24
maybe its sleepy time!
nmrg 10
I have two female bengals who enjoy ripping each other's fur out as soon as you turn the lights out to go to bed. But hey, if you let them outside to run around, they find worms and kill animals and bring them inside. So cute -.-'
wholock 12
Your cat is a spawn from hell
bikergirl93 18
maybe she just wants to read the paper with u...........
Nishigami 2
just kick the ******* shit
This_FML_Girl 12
my first thought was a female wolverine on her period. then i realized that a cat was pretty close
Xalandra 17
And not owning a brain is where you screwed up. Let's see, an animal that keeps the rodent population down (and isn't poisonous), is independent and self sufficient enough to not need a walk every damn day, and can offer long term companionship when cared for properly. That's not a bad pet, it might not be your choice, but it doesn't mean anyone who chooses to own that kind of animal ****** up. It just means they prefer a more independent animal, or maybe OP is allergic to dogs, but not cats. As others have said there's more than likely something wrong with the cat. It could be hurt or sick or maybe just stressed out. The only way to know for sure is for OP to take his cat to the vet and get some tests done. It could be that OP is gone most of the day so when OP is actually home OP's cat gets annoyed that it doesn't get as much attention as it wants. The solution to that would be to set aside time to spend with the cat just petting or playing with it so it doesn't feel neglected. Regardless of the cause of the cat's aggressiveness, no one inherently ***** up by owning any kind of animal unless that animal is potentially fatally dangerous, or if they're unable to commit to their pet like it's a family member by taking responsibility for it and not abandoning it when it becomes the slightest bit of an inconvenience. You don't like cats? That's fine, but OP hardly ****** up by owning a cat. If OP had a small child in the house and one day decides to bring a scorpion home as a pet, then THAT'S a **** up pet wise. Anywho /endrant
Xalandra 17
Probably because you don't know the difference between the word "an" and the word "and" Also, who whines about not getting their FML published? I mention the story of my FML that didn't get published in my profile, but I don't whine on someone else's FML.
gargartibold 13
Completely off topic, but I have that exact same shirt #11
JMichael 26
Consider having the cat declawed? But if it were me I wouldn't own a cat in the first place.
jixiekat 14
that won't help
thingslikethat 18
Declawing is never a good soulution! It causes way more problems.
Xalandra 17
106-Next time you hit someone let's cut off the tips of your fingers up to your second knuckle, okay? Because that's what declawing does, it literally removes part of their "fingers" very inhumane.
cryssycakesx3 23
OMG please just shut up about declawing cats. people are doing worse things to their animals. it's at least a solution to keep her and not dump her somewhere.
Xalandra 17
OMG please stop searching out my comments and attacking me personally. Get over yourself. No one gives a rat's ass. Besides, saying that there are worse things that people are doing to their animals does not make it okay to do something "less" bad to them. That logic is severely flawed. It's like saying since car theft isn't as awful a crime as murder that police shouldn't investigate it or try to bring the criminals to justice. It just doesn't make sense. The best solution to keep this cat is to get it the care and attention that it needs. There are several reasons it could be acting this way, it could want more affection from OP or it's trying to tell OP that it's in pain, either way OP decided to get a cat and thus decided to deal with claws and potential scratching problems. If OP wanted a harmless animal that doesn't require much if any attention then OP should've gotten a goldfish. OP needs to be responsible for their animal.