Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
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Comments (241)
EvilLittleMan 23
This is definitely is a case of not being Pussy Whipped but being Pussy Slashed !
Ubehage 32
An axe, is a great way to end that relationship.
skyeyez9 25
Also I read declawing is cruel. But if you can't train your cat to Not gouge your face on a daily basis, you should either put those caps on its nails (good luck trying that on an already mean cat) or declaw it before your facial scars resemble Freddy Krueger.
kittycatdex 8
a declawed cat is like a human with no nails... hard to do normal things but you find other ways to work around. msny declawed cats will scratch you with their feed instead of their hands... bigger and stronger claws...
skyeyez9 25
Also house cats are small for a reason. If they were in different drastic sizes like dogs, your 130lb house cat would eat you or rip your scalp off with one hard swipe of their paw.
sanecatlady 13
I once had a cat who "played" much too roughly even as a kitten and I uses to have scratches up to my elbows. I managed to give him away and now I have two cats who are much sweeter and more friendly. All cats are different, just like people.
sanecatlady 13
It's so original how many idiots use examples like these to hate on cats when dogs actually KILL people on a regular basis every day.
fwongraven 10
As an expert cat behaviourist (I've watched a few episodes of My Cat From Hell), you should try playing with her with one of those frenzy cat rods and wear her out so she doesn't have all this murderous aggression.
kittycatdex 8
but only go out with her if she's nit shy and you can do it on a daily basis for the rest of her life! and read about the right way to do it...
obviousboy 8
Did anybody… NOT see a cat coming at the end of this?
RogueWarrior869 23
Usually when cats are aggressive like that there is a reason. Did she have food? Lots of water? Room in the litter-box? Even having too much pent up energy can make them cranky. When he was younger, my cat was like that and he settled down after I started playing with him with a laser-light toy everyday. And a little catnip can help, too. And, of course, there is a chance she could be hurting. Check her for ear-mites and fleas as well. And does she eat her food well?
GanJwAR15 3
"No, kitty...bad kitty" (Eric Cartman) Your FML reminded me of South Park.