Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
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Comments (241)
Ohmyheaven 6
The cat is a product of its environment. If you don't give it love & attention you will only have issues. Give it love & attention! Buy it a new toy!
tbasx2 12
You know how to solve that? Kill the damn thing.
Mightytall 35
FYL dude... But you know what they say? Cat owns you! And you always have the pet you deserve. Pay some attention to kittie and play with her sometimes. Maybe she is just bored out if her skull ...
alex_jaguara 33
Cats are selfish creatures, but don't treat it bad because of their nature. You will maybe make it worse. They are likely to be trained just like dogs. Maybe harder and more time consuming but if you know how, you'll get along with your pet better.
UndeadRed93 7
just turn him into an outside cat, and by that I mean dump the lil asshole in the street.
xdejjeffcoat 3
Dogs actually love you
ripleythebard 12
Contrary to popular belief, cats can be trained just like dogs can. First thing you should do is go to a vet, make sure the cat's not hurt or sick. Then, start training it. For many cats, a water bottle will work; squirt him when he does something wrong. If you can't train the aggression out of him...I'm out of ideas.
cryssycakesx3 23
my cat would wake up everyday at 4:30-5a. and meow. incessantly. until my boyfriend would leave for work at 9. we took to spraying her with water. she would just go under the bed and meow. eventually she did stop though. spraying her became like a game though.
Xalandra 17
I think that's actually the prescribed treatment for anyone who hurts animals.
Mademoiselle_fml 34
That's not normal cat behavior. I would recommend taking your cat to the vet and finding the root of the problem.
Erery 16
nice description