Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
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Comments (241)
raddybear 11
These comments smh.... some people should not own pets
worldclassrager 41
Great wording...but the category of animals was the set off... Send it to the pound...it's cruel but it's the only way...
wholock 12
Just like 81 said, being an asshole does not deserve a death sentence. What it, everything any human being was being the slightest bit annoying, we could put them on death row? Yeah. I'm sure you would change your mind right away if it effected you.
Wolf87535 4
Upgrade to a dog.
kmccain 27
You mean downgrade to a dog.
Mirorbo 27
I really have to hand it to people getting more and more creative when writing these FMLs.
rflurry94 6
just get a dog. the cat will take out its anger on it and will therefore love you more
Norja 33
This FML is well written. I would hit the cat ( not hard) every time it scratched you and eventually it will learn to stop because of the consequence.
ksks1234 33
Or she hits back...with claws.
Dave_Davington 34
Personally, I'd grab it by the scruff of the neck, hold its head against the ground and scream at it for a bit. I doesn't actually hurt the cat, but it keeps it from fighting back and really scares ten shades of shit out of the little bastard. Sorely needed on OP's cat if it's scratching his face for funsies.
SarahFuckingMae 8
#61 please never adopt animals of any kind.
emirie 21
Get her some kitten mittens!
DevilsAltair 8
DOGS RULE!!!
amadisdemitrius 5
Two words: punt kick
breakinlegs 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
dog lover for life!