Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
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Comments (241)
friday4ever 5
Kill the cat
frod0 10
Ouch :( go on the tv show "my cat from hell" I'm sure that guy can help!!
DixieNormous007 4
me and my friends do a cat drive by. throw the cat out the window at someone or someones property that we dont like
sythe511 28
Now is OP's chance to prove their (probably nonexistent) dominance. I would whack the cat, but enough to cause actual harm
TheSmartAss10 21
Kill It
Tonka2203 7
this was so nicely written, kudos OP I laughed so hard when i got to the part that it was a cat, hahaha
cryssycakesx3 23
you whined about everything in your profile.....
halomasterT2012 7
Take the damn thing to the shelter
KoveGames 5
Plot twist.
cheshirecat13242 32
Solution: drive about 60 miles from home, toss it's ass in a box, tape it shut and drop it in front of your humane shelter of choice. Bam! Problem solved. You're welcome. (Just kidding I love cats)