Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though. With my cat. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, my cats started fighting again. Normally, I let them, because it's the only exercise they get. But this time one of my cats sliced the other's nose, and he responded by pinning her and nearly choking her to death. When I ran in to stop them, they teamed up against me. Ah, somethin' don't feel too good… FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hghrider123456 9
So you get beat into submission by a pussy, I see nothing out of the ordinary here
DocBastard 40
ALL cats think like this. The difference between most cats and yours is that yours actually has the guts to go through with it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (241)
L4miimii 7
My boyfriend has an asshole cat but he's just jealous because its only been the two of them since he was a kitten. I have tried everything but all I have are battle wounds. I'm proud to say I'm a dog person now. Good luck op. :)
Memen88 16
Go on the show My Cat from hell
Enslaved 38
I actually learnt a lot from watching that show. And also Cats 101. I had to correct a few behaviour problems I had with my cat flipping out and attacking all my visiting friends. I'm glad I didn't give up. My cat is now super sweet (for the most part).
kittycatdex 8
the 2 main reasons why cats get aggressive or poop/pee everywhere: 1. they are in pain. Cats don't show it like a child. If you can see she us in pain, she has been for a long time and it got so bad, she can't hide it anymore. (=get her checked from a vet) 2. they are bored! you need to play with them. like really! they need to run, jump, catch stuff... an hour a day is minimum. or even better keep them company inform of same sex, same age and compatible personality friend (aka another cat) and still play with them. and always get your cat fixed! keeping that in mind most of the devilish cats become the nicest animals you've ever seen!
an3ph 20
You've been de-balled by your cat. You really need to rethink your life.
jkash 4
Its time to put the pussy down lol
wholock 12
This type of behavior can easily be corrected. No need to euthanize the poor creature!
ViviMage 40
Keep a water spray bottle next to you. Get a pheromone collar. Try the softclaw tips (its like gluing a temporary blunted thimble on the claw, which can come off). Get a carpet/sisal scratching post. Try stoning the cat on catnip. And make sure the box is clean. Some cats will make a statement of the box is too icky!
Catahoulaqueen_fml 17
Boohoo
asherm 15
Sorry OP, my "Mr. Mann" (I adopted him w/ that name) sweetest cat ever. My late mom's cat that dad and brother took in: Satan! Huge orange cat that hisses and growls at me whenever I visit back home.
yellowaholic 25
I just bought nail clippers for cats for my kitty, then he still has claws but they are too blunt to break skin. Ever thought of you know buying cat nail clippers or even those little rubber things you can put on cats to keep them from scratching?
teratryte 4
Sure. You're absolutely allowed an opinion. Everyone is allowed an opinion, and they're allowed to express them. The thumbs are people's opinions of that person's opinion. Or are you just an advocate when the opinion agrees with your own views?