Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
koda_fml 0
Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.
breakthesky 0
Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (187)
Chfanfiction 0
Uhhh...I have better things to do. It's like not playing baseball: I might like it if I did, but I don't. It's not an earth-shattering decision.
nickymax_fml 0
Well the difference is that contrary to baseball you don't need a lot of ligistics to give it a try. In fact you already have everything on you !
dizzyyy 0
Ahahahahaa! That's pretty embarrassing..
boomerang247 0
#7 is weiirrrddd.
TheLetterZero 7
#63 Masturbation is not a "big" decision. It's just something people can do in their spare time. Seriously, there's too many people here treating masturbation like a religion. God isn't going to come down and smite you if you don't "practice" it every day. Lighten up!
krispykreem 0
Get a girlfriend.
Chfanfiction 0
Thaaaank yoooou (#68). /stewievoice
shostakovich 0
What is it with people (like #69 — oddly an apt post number) asking those who are public about their masturbation habits to "get a girlfriend"? It's not as if having a girlfriend automatically destroys one's need to satisfy oneself. Ever heard about how Woody Allen would prepare for his dates? As for the OP, I think you should have played along as if you were telling a joke. That's probably how I would interpret it if I were told that.
KINGMARIO_fml 0
This is my favorite FML
KarenC_fml 0
Why would you assume she was talking about you jacking off in the shower? How could she have known what you were doing in there? You're a dumbass.