Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML
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Top comments
koda_fml 0
Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.
breakthesky 0
Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/
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Comments (187)
LchTessMnstr 3
Haha. That sux. although, I guess that's what happens when you assume...cuz i mean, unless she was in the shower/bathroom with you (O_O), or you were making noise (?) then I think she wouldn't have any idea about what you were doing...
pgcheerleader 1
fail!
ahti546 11
what the hell made you think she was talking about you jacking off? Unless you have a see through shower I'd figure she was referring to the texting..
evamusical 12
I think he made some noise...
XDSmilezXD 4
When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. (:
joeyl2008 29
And even if somehow she did know why would you world your response like that?! "It feels good" that's creepy as hell!
jj732 0
poor mom... yikes D: and dude how would she know you were doing it? was she in the bathroom with you?
pedosmurf 7
Spidey senses?
damnthatsuck 0
Wow... Always assume she doesn't know...duh
breakthesky 0
Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/
bsbllr33 0
Wow next time ask what!
Humanoid_fml 0
LOL... I love that your justification was that "it feels so good."
Chfanfiction 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Not every guy does it. I don't.
namnams 3
How bizarre!
schehade 0
yeah right
W4X 0
You get wet. That's why.
jmelsha11 11
I'm a twelve year old and I do it. Jeez
grace31297 14
I thought this was a joke until I looked at your profile. You will! Haha
CloudKumo 12
Why is everybody thumbing somebody down because he doesn't do it? Neither do I, because I don't want to.
Ang3lofd3ath167 18
Don't lie
MessedUpLife00 13
If you don't do it, you wouldn't be announcing it to the internet
q_tipperz 0
LOL that's happened to me before xD but you are totally exposed, but look on the bright side. every guy does it
plethora 3
#7: Every sperm is sacred, right?
bishoprsv2 0
Wow. The dumbassness of this OP is destroying my brain cells!
hunt98 0
r u a trany