Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML
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Top comments
koda_fml 0
Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.
breakthesky 0
Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/
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Comments (187)
HeyThereGorgeous 0
Dude how would she have known you were masterbating if you were outside the shower looking at your phone?!?!?
4ube_fml 6
90% of women and men **********. And the rest lies :) #28 :D indeed
BnaLovesZsk25 0
I am 18 years old and have never masturbated. I have mo reason to lie considering I don't know any of you. never appealed to me. might be because my whole life my mom said it was a nasty thing to do. (my mom was molested at 14 so anything sexual is disgusting to her). so not everyone who say they don't do it is lying. my bf hates that I don't but I have no interest.
KRS_13 0
#188- seem legit
jncwmnd 0
lol #9..my stupid ex used to think like that...if i would spit it out he would yell at me, and sexually speaking, according to him he was only allowed to "finish" inside of anywhere because otherwise it is wasting it
crazydope14 0
Wow. Über suckage. Fyl
dan0 0
You are an idiot
heyyou1203 0
while masturbation is totally normal and healthy for both men and women, I do agree that it's not exactly something you discuss with your parents. Just like you wouldn't talk about you sex life with them. As for #7 or other ppl who say they don't, if they have a consistent b/f or g/f or **** buddy or w/e, maybe they get laid every day! so that waiting til their next sexcapade won't impede their "timing" so to speak.
krisFrAnHeehar 0
"ooo man here it comes AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS VIBRATE FUNCTION OOOO YEAH!!!!!!"
fml_fml_fml9 0
well sir, u could've acted like u WERE talking about texting. Maybe it feels good pressing the buttons..? but u made it a major fail. rofl.
dumbbbb 0
you would have never said that because you wouldn't assume she knew what you were doing in the bathroom..
damnthatsuck 0
Torn between ydi and FYL Ydi bc that was stupid Fyl bc you are obviously an idiot