Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML
Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML
Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML
Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML
Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
Speaking from personal experience, rubbing alcohol will clean it up pretty easily. In high school we had a cute but eccentric French foreign exchange student, and when I introduced myself she said “I’ll never remember that“ and casually wrote it on my forehead. A bit of experimentation and it came right off.
tounces7 28
Honestly having a grown loser living with you probably won't help your dating life much either.
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Comments (10)
Bogrbon 27
Speaking from personal experience, rubbing alcohol will clean it up pretty easily. In high school we had a cute but eccentric French foreign exchange student, and when I introduced myself she said “I’ll never remember that“ and casually wrote it on my forehead. A bit of experimentation and it came right off.
RichardPencil 32
1) Wear a hat Or 2) Tell your date it's a tattoo. The ladies these days like that.
princess_stabitty 20
You sure he truly was drunk? Sounds kinda planned about how to lower your chances...
spinspinsugar 12
how tf old is your son?
Yummi_913 18
I mean that's a really funny story to break the ice 🤷🏻♀️
tounces7 28
Honestly having a grown loser living with you probably won't help your dating life much either.
sarkycow 25
This is hilarious! If I was your date we'd have a good laugh 😊
warmonger711 8
Wear a cap.
Paul Rushing 21
It sounds like it’s time to take away his alcohol...
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
******* spray paint him then also nail polish remover should work with that ink