Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML
Today, I fucked up when I answered a phone call. I wasn't sure who the number was at first, and it turned out to be my ex girlfriend who had apparently been stalking me. She asked me how my new girlfriend was, and as I answered it in front of my girlfriend, she's now depressed. FML
Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
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Top comments
kleider1 9
Dude. I think she has trust issues
ChickenInMyKitch 4
You gotta wait for that second ring brah
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Comments (477)
HomeAl0ne 20
"Our operator is busy, but your call is important to us. Press 1 for accusations of me being in it just for sex, 2 for random ravings, 3 for accusing me of cheating. To be a complete bitch, please hold the line while fuming."
ninja42 0
Split the difference?
kikilaughsatyou 0
you should do this back to her. aha FML AGAIN if she always answers on the second ring.
727Aaron727 0
I can Imagine you in the bathroom, u hear the phone, run to it and after 1 ring and before 3 rings you answer it with a trail a piss left behind you
Meattymeatballs 2
How many rings does it take her to answer?
byteolu 0
Wait for second ring then :)
blupenguine 0
Damaged goods! the girls got some issues bro!!
hurricanelea 1
Nut job man! It's dump her or be eaten alive
ImAwakeImAlive 0
I feel sorry for you OP, very sorry.
ih82bl8 2
Two rings is the winner. Never on the first date, three sticks you're out. Two heads are better than one. Two always wins