Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, feeling generous, I bought a dozen donuts for my coworkers. Instead, I ended up taking them into my office and eating all of them in the first hour. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
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Top comments
iSmellNice 2
I feel your pain. I love donuts.
Darsa 0
At least you still had your milk :)
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Comments (163)
killurbeer 0
Fat ass ( )*( )
waterynuggets 0
Gosh, I just love how little trends pop up in FML's during the week. Whether it's "my bf yells out catchphrases during sex" or "I violently sneezed and punched someone" or "I was relaxing after working hard and it ~all~ was ruined by ____," I just LUV IT.
teddyddet 3
OR you may : Before your dog steal it away, put the doughnut in your mouth and say "nice try, huh"--haha
lambchop23 0
choke that ******
muchhate 0
I bet you weigh like 250 pounds
Thunderbender 2
Time to Old Yeller dat bitch.
fortheloveofHim 0
kill it with ****** fire
acbpm 0
lol that's pretty funny
DameGreyWulf 1
I sent your dog. I don't approve of your Krispy Kreme.
arbmouser 0
learn to write a comprehensive account of what went one. This post, like most here, does not make any sense. you bought 'a' doughnut but your dig threw up on 'all' of them?!