Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, feeling generous, I bought a dozen donuts for my coworkers. Instead, I ended up taking them into my office and eating all of them in the first hour. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
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Top comments
iSmellNice 2
I feel your pain. I love donuts.
Darsa 0
At least you still had your milk :)
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Comments (163)
Momo_Moonlight 25
While that sucks for you OP, your writing doesn't seem to make sense. You put your feet up and poured yourself some milk? And did you have a doughnut or several doughnuts?
xgardian 15
Well what about the milk?!
swinglish4670 5
Is that all? I work 12hour shifts 7 days a week for months at a time.. My last job I worked 110 hours in 7 days... I wish I had somthing to celebrate haha.
MrPortalFan 21
Bitch slap that ******.
Mabonga 12
give your dog name and he'll act more tame
fml_ipad 2
You have to train the dog correctly, and That means beating when it does something like take food from you. I have a dog, and I can leave a steak right in front of it and walk away, and tell it not to eat and it's still there. It's just a matter of effort, wich I'm guessing fat people don't have. And I'm surprised you didn't eat the dog, because it ate you food
britzy_03 19
Ugh its a donut bruh
PunkPrincess_fml 11
Your dog saved you from a poor diet plan! And maybe future diabetes depending on your physical health and heredity! What a good dog!
TylerMillerX1 10
How did you put your feet up then pour yourself a glass of milk?