Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I got home and I was feeling horny so I leapt on my boyfriend, except he had just got home from a 16-hour day and was too tired. After his nap, he was horny but by that time I was way too tired and no longer horny. This is ridiculous, we can’t even get laid even though we live together. FML
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
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Top comments
abes22 0
should have asked her to come help you..
jasminea 0
show her how tired she really is (;
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Comments (261)
jahshuwa 0
Selfish bitch
SMyD_RenBen 0
Someone Just got **** blocked.
tomoko_fml 1
Exactly this. A little lovey-dovey cuddling can easily lead to something more XXX-rated. Though if you try and it doesn't...well... You have my pity.
starfish7 18
Don't ask...just seduce her. If she is tired, just take charge and do most of the work yourself. She will get into it!
ithappens28 0
worst comment mentioning turtles i've ever seen....
iMagzzzy 0
Does it really matter if shes awake?
Dalton1177 2
It's better to ask for forgiveness then permission.
mikep911 1
All she had done all day was *lie down
1911_Angel 0
Next time start early. Send a text or call her a couple times during the day. Tell her you love her or that the smell of her perfume makes you want to be with her so bad, and you can't wait til you get home. Putting thoughts of being together in her mind might get her on the same page as you when you get home. If she is just sitting around watching TV then that could REALLY help! Have you ever watched daytime TV? What a mood killer!!!!
lovelinkinpark 1
Start licking her and getting her into the mood
katkev 5
Who says "wank" in the US????
sssandoo 0
thats brit u dumbass
iwadasn 33
262, the FML is from the United States.