Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I got home and I was feeling horny so I leapt on my boyfriend, except he had just got home from a 16-hour day and was too tired. After his nap, he was horny but by that time I was way too tired and no longer horny. This is ridiculous, we can’t even get laid even though we live together. FML
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
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Top comments
abes22 0
should have asked her to come help you..
jasminea 0
show her how tired she really is (;
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Comments (261)
Cam_eron 0
first, dump ur fat ass girlfriend and quit saying "making love", its callef sex and u sound like a bitch
sbell84 5
what an asshole."skinny people dont rest. some of the laziest most useless people i have ever known were skinny.especially skinny woman.
calichick3393 2
that's like me and my bf cept I always help him if he asks
zembof 3
Wow slap that hoe and show her who's boss u lily livered yellow bitch
amans 3
why are some girls like that? you **** him and your both happy;) haha
aj_alex 0
All bad..should dump her stupid b
theususalguy 4
I have to admit, her line was blunt. But if she is not in the mood for sex, then she just isn't. You cannot dump her for not having sex with you at command, as some suggest. YOU should be the one who should be dumped for suggesting such a disgraceful thing.
sbell84 5
dump that waste of life.woman need to remember why we keep them around and put up with there shit.the sweet gold between their un+greatful legs
dmw25 0
Thats when you dump the girl and find another.
ShelbyJr 2
You don't ask her if she wants to make love you big wank... you seduce her.
sssandoo 0
Next time she wqnts money from you say" why just you give me a quick wank first"