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FMyLife
Anonymous United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

127

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

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Top comments

louiserosen 4

Well that was a new one

MrSassypants 34

#26 I'm pretty sure the restaurant Red Lobster isn't a fish either.

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Comments (127)

louiserosen 4

Well that was a new one

ICastillo 25

Damn OP you must be Bad Luck Brian because your pets don't even want to associate with you.

TotallyAradical 14

And totally awesome.

xXHollowIchigoXx 17

Just to be a dick, I would've bothered him more. Picked him up and say "OMG, you can't be dead. NO!!" and shake him around and what-not. I can imagine the cat would Be thinking "Yeah... This wasn't the best idea -_-".

_Oblivion_ 12

32 You do know that has nothing to do with luck, right? Maybe he's a dick to his cat.

innavoiG 9

Cats are assholes anyway.

JOcoco 14

77 - I thought they were *******?

Garagedwella 26

To quote Team America World Police: " We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are *******. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. ******* don't like dicks, because ******* get ****** by dicks. But dicks also **** assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. ******* may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can **** an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they **** too much or **** when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, ******* can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because ******* are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us **** this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and ******* all covered in shit!" Your welcome :)

FMLandurstoo 9

Damn those evil things!

domking1315 20

I kinda read this in that guys voice^

LiterOfCola 16

You don't read everything in Herbert's voice?

lambda_fml 40

I double that. Cat are evil.

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

10 - Same here

cradle6 13

I know what you're thinking, but don't bury it in the ole' Pet Semetary down the road there. Sometimes dead is better. Or pseudo-dead.

failgamer 7

Ha southpark, butters is odd

CaptainDoorknob 7

110 - It's called "Pet Semetary", actually.

ALlamaOnFire 20

Oh dear. South Park has ruined the minds of so many. ... HE MEANT STEPHEN KING.

xxjenn27xx 8

thats kinda sad, op :(

deadxwedding84 5

I'm pretty sure mine does that, too.

winnerme123 8

Those are 2 of the smartest cats that I've ever heard of.

XxQueenofPuppets 10

Says the poster with a Chuck Norris cat for a picture

rooney0710 5

Who says cats do nothing but sleep all day

mizuki123 8

My cat runs around meowing all day. If you're lucky enough he'll attack you.

BlowinChronic 18

Yeah cause I'd feel so lucky to be attacked by a cat.

IAmJad 18

7- why is that guy in your pic drying his crack?

BusinessTurtle 8

82-You should. It's a great honor to be attacked by a cat. It means that the feline sees you as a being with exerting energy to deal with that or it sees you as a prey item.

illmatic2 16

Are you sure your cat is not an opossum?

DocBastard 40

Minzzy - "Opossum" refers to marsupials in the Western Hemisphere, which is where OP is from. "Possums" are from the Eastern Hemisphere. Very little bothers me more than people who correct others incorrectly. It makes me want to slap you with a fish.

Psych101 9

38- Or slap Minzzy with a Red Lobster.

Jonah171 12

I thought it was already concluded that Red Lobster isn't a fish. >:[

crazytwinsmom 25

Thanks Doc!

themarshal_fml 6

51 Yes, but it'll hurt more.

yumyumpoptart 16

just take out a ball of yarn, it'll be fine :)

enormouselephant 15

Or Red Lobster...don't cats like fish?

ICastillo 25

Just pull out the Meow Mix he'll be singing in no time.

saIty 17

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty Purr, purr, purr. Little kitty, Nice kitty P urr, purr, purr.

theartists 5

#16, you may have a cookie.

mizuki123 8

Big bang theory! I hear people sing that all the time..

annie_nk 23

My mom actually named her cats soft kitty and warm kitty.

crazytwinsmom 25

Soft Kitty, better than Smelly Cat.