Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
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Top comments
Henningdale 5
Looks like u chose the wrong one..
AKALurch 0
at least u were saved
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Comments (163)
kcluna 6
Divorce him!!!! Next time, don't marry a jerk!!
FleshForFantasy 3
Time to have a talk with your husband. If it bothered you so much Communicate! Don't keep it in and let him know.
jmayinc 3
"if it bothered you so much communicate"?!? it should be implied that it bothered someone that their spouse would not save their life because of hurting feet!! You're ******* retarded
xMexicanXJesusx 0
#63 I love your comments XD
Volcomsmy_Lyfe 0
well next time your canoeing with him just flip his over
annihil8or 15
Wow thats an ez chance for more play, I woulda jumped in to help. Remember people if benefits exceed costs its good
meganmagee 11
Put him in a dress for being such a little bitch.
meganmagee 11
I guess we know who wears the pants in your marriage.
xXxLazyLovexXx 0
and this is the man your gonna spend the rest of ur life with?? sucks foru
braljag 1
you married the idiot!
balest22 0
he a loser