Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
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Top comments
Henningdale 5
Looks like u chose the wrong one..
AKALurch 0
at least u were saved
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Comments (163)
niswisk 3
divorce his ass. go for his brothers. shame for picking the shitty one out the 3.
AvikC818 8
I would have never done this if my brother's dumbass wife flipped a kayak on herself
iwadasn 33
What makes you think she's the one who flipped the kayak? I assume all four of them were there together.
bshawndes1 0
I would've stomped his foot and slapped him with my lifeless dislocated arm.
hiphopchick7 1
#21 IS fugly as hell isn't he? someone needs to cut down the Christmas tree from his chin
jojj351 12
i feel like the husband might soon have to post an xml about his wife cheating on him with his brothers.
The_9th_Doctor 18
sure you didn't marry a girl?
sartrow 8
does he have much insurance on you?