Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
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Top comments
Henningdale 5
Looks like u chose the wrong one..
AKALurch 0
at least u were saved
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Comments (163)
zamyr 0
haha thats mean well his feet did hurt lol :)
lexxyolivia 0
ydi for marrying a pussy
shaniecerb 0
it aint like she was dying.and his foot wasnt workin!how could he save her anyway?she can pop her arm back in place so whatev
Fulcherw_fml 0
Should have pressed x first
xgetxbentx 13
maybe this is a dumb question, I've never been kyacking though, but why didn't you just swim out from underneath it?
awesomeloser14 0
well they are pretty heavy (I flipped over in the kayak once) but yah she could have done that unless the current was too strong
aloha31 6
Your husband sounds like a real ******
13yearoldboy 0
hey ur alive and well at least
jleep 0
u should leave your husband for one of your brother in laws. thatll show him!!
Brennanrulez 0
If the husband didnt help because his feet hurt, they were on land. and if you cant get out fromunder a kayak your the weakest person ever...
iwadasn 33
Right, because everyone knows that sore feet magically stop hurting as soon as you get into a kayak.
MrJentipede 2
You married him, can only blame yourself.