Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
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Top comments
Henningdale 5
Looks like u chose the wrong one..
AKALurch 0
at least u were saved
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Comments (163)
kickingbuckets 0
give him a cup of GTFO
lol_ironic_life 9
Agreed! He should have helped you OP. :)
bhfboss 0
Sorry to say it but your husband is a little biatch.
KartaOwnsYou 0
Lmfao
sublime2craig 0
Can't blame the guy he's not the dumbass who fliped a kyak.
racsistninja 0
um yes u can
ydi_4_suking 20
soft ****? fark?...dumbass
redbluegreen 41
You must have married the wrong one.
Lunchbox3 0
This is ****** status. Try breaking your arm while flipping a kayak because your other person wanted to feel the water while going through rapids. Yeah not that fun.
docscientist 10
This is sand in the ****** status. I knew someone who broke both legs, lost an eye, and was repeatedly violated by the local fish when his kayak flipped.
every1luvsvag 10
I've never lost a fight over a seal carcass...
Leoboy635 0
lmao!! 79 and 86 just won
wareagle2389 0
lol stfu get your own status pussy lips
jmayinc 3
79 I believe the biggest point of this FML was the fact that her husband wouldn't save her because his feet hurt. So sell your damn pointless story-telling to Spike TV or something.
leeshxx 3
100 whinge elsewhere no one forced you to read it
Night7 0
maybe if you didn't suck at life you wouldn't need to be saved
jess6blondie9 3
If I were your husband I wouldn't have helped you either.
wareagle2389 0
your dumb
KaskStunter 4
This is why brothers exist, to help. Your husband let his brothers to help him. If they weren't around, I'm sure he would have jumped right in.
boygeorgebaby 0
hey, nice husband ya got there! but at least your brothers in law don't hate you, they couldve left you to your watery grave - they sound like nice guys! ;) FYL, op. don't go anywhere dangerous with your husband - you never know what he won't save you from next - sharks, lions, cannibal head hunters, who knows?!