Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML
Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Henningdale 5
Looks like u chose the wrong one..
AKALurch 0
at least u were saved
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (163)
boygeorgebaby 0
hey, nice husband ya got there! but at least your brothers in law don't hate you, they couldve left you to your watery grave - they sound like nice guys! ;) FYL, op. don't go anywhere dangerous with your husband - you never know what he won't save you from next - sharks, lions, cannibal head hunters, who knows?!
RosiePatosie 0
Ouch. :S
darseidia 0
#29 you know "fark" means **** in broken english? i guess we know now who's the dumbass here.
figureskates2344 6
I'm sure your husband would of came if you had been under for a few minutes, wether or not you can hold it a few minutes he still probably would of helped
justin_2552 0
hold her breath?
4XxXo_OxXx4 0
I think he just didn't help because his brothers got there first...
RedPillSucks 33
Did you leave out the part where your husband flipped the kayak? Did he look disappointed that his brothers saved you? That "my feet hurt" is an old and tired excuse.
lol_ironic_life 9
Ooh good point! Watch your back OP....
jess2gd4u 0
hey #21 I new u were Aussie as soon as I read your post. bloody crackup!!!!!
leeshxx 3
you were born in 96 yet claim to be an old bastard.. here is what is really true. 1). you are a 14 year old retarded troll to be impersonating a man in about his 40's as a way if being funny, yet got confused and put in your actual year of birth because your brain doesn't function to a normal persons standards. 2). you are a pedophile and put in the birth year of your poor victims but you put a real picture up of yourself because your brain doesn't function to a normal persons standards. either way your ****** retarded.
ptbft 1
He may not have jumped in if she has a big life insurance policy.
XRaYKaT 3
Divorce his ass.
skyeyez9 25
Your husband is a pansy! He would have preferred to let you drown, rather than let his sore feet get wet. Fyi, Find out if he put a big life insurance payout on you upon your death. Which could explain his lack of urgency to save his wife.