Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Didn’t anyone ever tell you to pace yourself with this stuff?
RichardPencil 32
Is that the spot that's the best spot for the breeze and at the perfect viewing angle of the TV? And marked with a huge piss stain?
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Comments (5)
poopface82 25
Didn’t anyone ever tell you to pace yourself with this stuff?
RichardPencil 32
Is that the spot that's the best spot for the breeze and at the perfect viewing angle of the TV? And marked with a huge piss stain?
mccuish 25
Makes me wonder what the hell you were thinking
JasonThorn 23
I don't think there was much "thinking" involved.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Missing details from this story: You're 28, You're an Ivy League graduate, This happens every Friday, Your roommates think you're so pathetic they make you sit on the couch like a kid on the naughty step instead of kicking you out for what is essentially sexual assault and property damage.
DanielleinDC 34
Anything that starts with someone drinking themselves into oblivion and getting high is an automatic YDI. Maybe bring your consumption down a few notches so you don't puke and pee all over the place and to avoid sexually assaulting a roommate.