Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
rykothechubby 5
That's a 'hard' problem to deal with.
Grand_Cookie 21
Yay! Here come the penis jokes! I just love how original they'll all be.
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Comments (89)
1dvs_bstd 41
kids these days..
shhhaaarrron 12
Hopefully you were able to convince her otherwise
annie_nk 23
Kids and their easily impressionable minds. When I was 6, I asked my sister what it meant when you flipped someone off. She said it meant "I love you". I instantly ran to my mom and gave her the bird while my sister was almost on the floor laughing. It's always funny from an outside perspective but when it's your child or yourself, it isn't nearly as hilarious.
Ambient25 25
When I was 7 my best friend's older brother told me that "screw you" was a nicer way of saying "I like you". There was a 10 year old girl who I had a crush on and after a lot of hesitation I finally got the courage to pick a few flowers for her. When I gave them to her, she said "you're really sweet, I like you"....to which I replied "screw you too". She told her parents :(
RedPillSucks 33
And you've been happily married since, right?
AholeCop 11
I know how she felt, when I was in grade school, I would get boners that would last for hours. They would pound so hard I'd have to go lie down in the nurse's office. Eventually I got some medicine to help with the severity of the boners. I get them much less frequently now.
annie_nk 23
Did they last longer than 4 hours?
RedPillSucks 33
Someone's been dipping into dads viagra.
Dom_Olivares 12
Her head was pounding.
cakefete2 31
Wrong head.
hessel 13
lets start this comment list with a good couple of penis jokes and fail really hard with it
lifeisfabulous 10
Aww kids these days.
ShyAnn29 15
I think it would help to know how old OP's daughter is.
XxxT3rr4xxX 25
That is truly horrible. I hope this problem can be fixed soon.
Harvzey 18
How old IS she? O.o