Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, my dad called my recently unemployed son a no-good bum for not job hunting. My son literally spent all day beefing up his resume and scheduling job interviews for the whole week. It's not the 1920s anymore, dad. You can't just walk into a building, ask for a job, and get hired right on the spot. FML
Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML
Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML
Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML
Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
Today, my boss told me, "You oversold your skills in your job interview." I have worked in this industry for 25 years. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
annie_nk 23
I saw people dodge bullets in The Matrix. So now I know what to do if someone points a gun at me.
Ambient25 25
I blame OP for not smacking him upside the head
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
HarrisonVR 17
it sounds as if he isn't keeping his job opportunities particularly real unfortunately.
Ambient25 25
thank you #1 that is the joke
JennyK1414 13
"Yeah. You know he was trying to move on, he had a job interview. I saw the resume, it was a terrible resume. He mentioned prison and in special skills he said 'keeping it real', but... he was trying." -The Heat
Bigfabthetruth52 22
how old is he,to be that naive.
jkmartinjk 16
Well actually, putting a couple funny things in your resume can sometimes work! My teacher's friend did that and got an interview at Lego. Sometimes the employer is so tired from looking at 100 cliche resumes, that a resume with some humour really stands out.
BitsOBacon 12
Thanks, 54, however, I don't think anyone finds "Keepin it real" humorous.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
When keeping it real goes wrong.. Don't tell me you guys don't remember that from the Chappell show. Or maybe you know it as an Emmure song, both of which are ******* awesome.
jkmartinjk 16
I didn't say keeping it really was funny, but don't let this fml stop you from putting things that are actually funny on your resume.
SwaggyMcGnarly 3
I do
Ambient25 25
I blame OP for not smacking him upside the head
WelcomeToAndale 13
Yes, child abuse solves everything, right?
cakefete2 31
Of all the things that movies tell us not to try at home, you would think this would be self explanatory.
MattOnFML 13
You'd be surprised at the amount of self injury caused by watching extreme shows and wanting to experiment at home
jipster 11
Your son may be retarderd.
brackaman 18
I know right? I'm all for sticking up for special needs people, but those retarderd people have got to go.
myeviltwin 20
He is not retarded just willfully ignorant. After all a retard can not help his/her condition but the willfully ignorant can but won't.
myeviltwin 20
Oh, and you fail at patenting for raising such an idiot. YDI
Stylux_fml 16
#41 I don't think it is possible to patent a son... Though considering the broken state of the patent system I wouldn't be surprised.
Stylux_fml 16
Actually, think about it for a sec. You patent your kid, offer him up for adoption then sue the foster parents >:]
annie_nk 23
I saw people dodge bullets in The Matrix. So now I know what to do if someone points a gun at me.
JMichael 26
Or if an evil alien being threatens our planet I can just shoot energy beams out of my hand and it'll all be ok.
DanielleinDC 34
I saw folks bend the trajectory of bullets in "Wanted", so maybe I can do the same!
ImAFaker 29
I saw people cooking meth in Breaking Bad so maybe that will work too! Actually that could work... Give me a couple of hours while I test this theory out.
underthesea12 24
Employers love people who can keep it real tho. There must be some other reason.
Knightchaser27 25
I think they like professionals more
sarah6786 14
I was under the impression that employers would laugh at that...and turn those potential employees away...
bnutzinger 11
I don't know how old your son is but checking his resumé BEFORE he handed them in would have probably been a good idea.
brackaman 18
The son knew. The son didn't get pranked or end up a victim of “damn auto correct". He intentionally put it there. And the dad isn't required to check his resume either at any age. If that's what you meant.
bnutzinger 11
Well of course he isn't "required" to check it. I just think helping your kids with important documents like that would be a reasonable thing to to.
Dontstealmyname 11
It would be reasonable thing to do if the son is young and not able to fully comprehend what he's doing. In this case, the son is sending in his résumé for a job application, which means he should be of an appropriate age and able to handle such things on his own. Just till what age do you think the parent should spoon-feed the son? I think it's ridiculous. The OP's son obviously is just very influenced by the movie.
sirpantselot 22
No. No one gets a resume right first time. In fact, most people get help just compiling them, not just proofreading. It would be unreasonable to expect someone to get it perfectly right on their own.
littlekellilee 45
If the son asked for it to be proofread, which he should have, because no one finds every spelling or punctuation error, OP probably would have caught this. I still get my dad to check mine, and my dad still gets my brother and I to check his, even though they're now just for positions within the company we're in.
darwinism 30
“Stupid is as stupid does” - Forrest Gump
unhappyhug 11
I would give him a job. The man!
laden_swallow09 35
As if you'd have any money to hire anyone for anything other than raking leaves.