Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, I had a meeting with my daughter's headmistress, which I thought went well, until I was walking to my car past the open staff room window and I heard her say to other teachers, “Jesus, I can see where that brat [my daughter's name] gets her shitty attitude from… and her fat arse.” They all laughed. FML
TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML
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Top comments
rykothechubby 5
That's a 'hard' problem to deal with.
Grand_Cookie 21
Yay! Here come the penis jokes! I just love how original they'll all be.
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Comments (89)
liger_hug 8
whoa
ben_e_boy28 4
Does your daughter ride the short bus to school? ;)
goth_pixie 15
How did she believe that? Either she's a 3rd grader with really perverted classmates or just an innocent teenager who doesn't know about those things.... Or she's a blond...
abhi5 2
I guesa those school kids are gonna call u Mr.boner
Brak_Spaceman 19
That's very silly!
buckdharma 38
Not if your huge boner lasts for more then 4 hours.
Ilikepie82479 20
Plot twist: she's in high school