Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
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Top comments
farkie3 8
By all means, keep flicking it; maybe it'll fall off.
stronghand0331 17
did you try to smack it too? ... but seriously, that's pretty gross. reminds me of Austin Powers
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Comments (147)
Emmaa01 5
itttts gunna be a long year.
daywalker26 0
holy molie!!!! I guess you won't do that again
Skyblu10 10
LOL. +1
EmoOrange 0
Ick. did you get mole juice on your finger?
bigbadtim 7
LOL, you were playing Wack-A-Mole with your roommate's face.
zp5 4
so..... did you get it?
Lilllly_1316 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO. Just kidding. :)
zp5 4
heh heh....O_O
sasonzal 4
if it was her mole why you started the fml saying you've seen it crawling on her?you must be smoking somthing to imagine a mole as a moving spider,keep it up
bbygiirl 0
That's when you pretend there really was a spider on her face and you say, oh! I got it! Then stomp your foot and act like you smushed it on the bottom of your shoe!
20waffleater10 0
I literally laughed out loud!
BethiiGeex 0
EW XD did the "mole" move? xD that's disgusting x.x
dealwithitkid 0
Hahahahaha..... ewwwwwww