Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
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Top comments
YayFlameWarz 9
On the brightside your pimp hand's warmed up.
jjames7543 13
I would have loved to have seen you do that
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Comments (181)
truffleshuffle22 0
# 1
Neopets_dot_com 0
"EEEK!" *Pow!*
Jovecove 13
Hahaha that's funny, but I wouldn't try squashing a spider on my cheek... Spider juices!
rexgar2000 10
if the spider was actually in your face, you would've been vomiting from the guts of the spider all over your face.
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
4- What does your profile mean, that it is bad to support same sex marriage? 17- Or OP would have turned the water on in the sink which was right in front of them and washed their face, if the water wasn't on already.
Llama_Face89 34
Puking because you squished a spider on your face? I'm guessing you have a very weak stomach, yes?
kcircuses2 4
17- I would be very concerned if the spider was IN ones face
amoscore 5
Just imagine if there were others in the toilet. Their reaction would be EPIC.
13FTW 9
#1 which you made it so clear that you were number 1, FML is a site about people misfortune and hilarious stories. Not a free sex website. Please don't say "hmu" then proceed to write your number.. Freak.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
43-Why so concerned? The expression "getting all up in one's face" must deeply disturb you.
YayFlameWarz 9
On the brightside your pimp hand's warmed up.
FreshlyCut 0
If only it was a public bathroom.
enonymous 9
WHAT DID THE 5 FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE!? (Slap) ha ha ha I'm Rick James Bitch.
jallred254 4
OP should've slapped harder
Keyman1212 14
31- your picture ******* sickens me.
rallets 23
94 - your bieber hair ******* sickens me next?
Sammiches 12
#99, you're beard.. Doesn't sicken me at all..
ceilingfans 1
102 the way you eat that sammich arouses me
SystemofaBlink41 27
Well OP really deserves a *facepalm*...
itsmichelle97 0
You fan turn me on
Keyman1212 14
99- seeing as I'm what, like 10 years older than that little ****(I don't know how old he is) and I'm in the military, and my profile states that it is an old picture of me, I don't see how the hell my hair is Bieber hair.
elk21dbm 18
At least you didn't see the spider on your nuts...
kelsey_katie 17
120, That's not bieber hair! Lol. And even if it was, you are still about 100x more attractive than he is. ^dont take that the wrong way... But it's true..(:
Keyman1212 14
Well thanks, I've always wanted to be more attractive than a prepubescent boy.
yelz 16
You're DEFINITELY better looking then him :)
Keyman1212 14
Woah now ladies, let's not all clamor for me at once.
ImFrackinBored 13
Your just a special kind of stupid aren't you?
Keyman1212 14
You're just a special kind of retard, aren't you? Your grammar and spelling sucks.
MCRaddict 0
tru dat
kelsey_katie 17
140, Hahaha! You're welcome,(:
jjames7543 13
I would have loved to have seen you do that
raphanne_fml 33
I'm sure the spider appreciated the show!
MagicallyFat 12
The spiders! The spiders want me to tap dance. I don't wanna tap dance! Tell those spiders Ron. Goddamn spiders.
_cassandra__fml 4
Agreed. It sounds really funny.
gress269 4
Oh boy...
Fruit_Dealer 9
Priceless.
Notimetobleed 14
Objects in the mirror may appear to be actually on the mirror.
natashax21 5
Do humanity a favor and slap yourself in the face again.
seriousman26 0
Oh spiders. They get you every time don't they? One time I had found a spider on left eyebrow so I wacked it with the dull side of a knife. Wrong side anndd it was just a piece of fuzz.
Chrispywind 0
Youre an idiot
lylasgurgur 12
Omg that sucks! I'm sorry:(
kcircuses2 4
cool story bro
Llama_Face89 34
Wow...i was going to say OP was a dumbass but you have 'em beat by far...
lilcatisawesome 7
Shouldn't you do an fml on that?????! Yikesies!!!!!?!
eviegirl247 0
You guys actually believe him? First of all why would he randomly be holding a knife and even if he was why would he be somewhere where he can see his reflection?
curlyfry33 8
Cool story bro, Tell it again
ImFrackinBored 13
136- Tell it at a party and make some friends.
rebelsrock 17
Cool story bro your an idiot
Notimetobleed 14
Too bad you didn't use the wrong side of the knife.
Zareen 0
Rude person much? /:|
Zareen 0
Rude person @160
punkin_26 16
Bet you felt really stupid!!!The best part-you could have kept that dumbass move to yourself for the rest of your life considering nobody was in the bathroom with you to be witness to your stupidity. But instead you decided to share that with the rest of us. Thank you!!
RavagedSouI 0
Anonymity my friend, anonymity
Levvy 22
You're not quite grasping the idea behind this site yet, are you, Punkin?
ast3150 13
“We are Anonymous. We are Legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us!”
punkin_26 16
Actually Levvy I do grasp the concept of this site just fine. I was mearly thanking OP for sharing their story with us. That is all. What else do you say to a person that just smacked their own face. And yes Ravagedsoul they may have submitted post as anonymous because they are to some degree embarassed by their brief moment of stupidity, however they still chose to share it with us. And ast3150 was right. The people on this site are very cruel and unforgiving as if they never said or did anything stupid in their life. But that is what makes it entertaining. So again I will say thank you op. I laughed my ass off.
Levvy 22
Fair enough. I was misreading your tone by a mis-inferrence from your wording. My bad entirely.
punkin_26 16
Hey, it's cool we all make mistakes.
lylasgurgur 12
Now, now, did you happen to be smiling at yourself and saying "whose that sexy beast?" .... ;) karma.
cookie_3008 4
Im so sorry... This really made me laugh. ^_^
olpally 33
Major *facepalm* by op... Way to go smart one... Lmao
yelz 16
Even IF the spider was on your face, you don't slap it. You flick it off. Why would you want a spiders flesh on your face?
iFizzgig 11
And how do you think Charlotte felt about that?
dreamering 16
Same as you when you took your profile picture
memob123 0
Breathless? Stop making fun of people