Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
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Top comments
farkie3 8
By all means, keep flicking it; maybe it'll fall off.
stronghand0331 17
did you try to smack it too? ... but seriously, that's pretty gross. reminds me of Austin Powers
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Comments (147)
aardvarkish 17
I bet the roommate was like "Are you having fun yet?"...
Skyblu10 10
I would assume something along the lines of OP getting smacked.
Dark_wings 0
You should have just said "i got it" and walked away.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Me too.
IVXX 0
that's raunchy!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Please tell me someone else mind-flashed to that scene in Robin Hood: Men In Tights, too. "I HAVE A MOLE?!"
TheTigerRoars 0
-mole moves- ...um... No....? -The Fluffs
jacomarine89 5
Achoo? Bless you!!!!
bigbadtim 7
Yep, every scene it is on a different part of his face.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Yes! This makes me happy. :D -You mean you changed your name TO Latrine?! -Yeah. It used to be Shithouse.
sourgirl101 29
I love Cary Elwes! I first saw him in a movie called "Lady Jane" that was about Lady Jane Grey (She was the Queen of England for 2weeks.) One of my all time favorite movies!!!! After that I've seen everything he's made. "Princess Bride, Kiss the Girls, Saw" etc...
alex1432 9
a Jew? Here?!
MartinFootball 0
haha this is my favorite FML
burninfate 0
your a ******* moron
xicano 0
that's some funny sh$@!
TheTigerRoars 0
No sometimes they rise up on their own. Not really a good one to say she was born with it. -The Fluffs