Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
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Top comments
farkie3 8
By all means, keep flicking it; maybe it'll fall off.
stronghand0331 17
did you try to smack it too? ... but seriously, that's pretty gross. reminds me of Austin Powers
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Comments (147)
bbyiitsCANDY 0
ii thiink the mole has been growing that's why she didn't notice it or something I dnt know
20waffleater10 0
points at her face....MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!! MMMMOOOOLLLLLEEEEE!!!
kilogreen25 0
Bumbass
hcysntmf 0
F your roommates life for having a hairy mole. They're repulsive :x
Igor_g5 0
Time for some glasses?
rockon_fml 3
did anybody else think of Austin Powers when they read this?
Maddie_May_13 2
funniest FML in a while by FAR!
whoisthisgirl 4
lmfao ew
faithfulangel 0
haha this actually made me laugh. nasty but funny.
glitterydisaster 0
Today, my roommate started flicking me in the face, claiming to be trying to swat a spider off of me. It then became abundantly clear that she was instead, flicking the mole on my face. FML.