Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML
Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Sounds like you should just invest in some permanent goggles
ckerane 16
I bet your eyes are sore
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Comments (104)
Tiber_fml 12
that's just common sense you shouldn't need a list
captainsmegma 12
Didn't see sperm on your list.
Axipiter 24
No.
Nyterfly 4
I feel like she left one out.. *cough cough* cum *cough*
smithv171 17
Sounds like it might leave a scratch.
JPT1996 12
Don't feel too bad, I've had spider venom and egg in my eyes
kerstileann 26
op you need to wear googles or something or remove your eyes so nothing goes in them. your choice :) oh and boooo to the idiots saying cum. ya nasties.
SystemofaBlink41 27
How do you get molten cheese in your eyes? I mean, I've gotten some horrible stuff in my eyes, but molten cheese is a new one...
hard_candy 25
probably the same way I've gotten ketchup in my eyes; by some freak accident. ketchup burns really bad by the way. i can't imagine what hot sauce might feel like.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Well, I've actually gotten some hot sauce in my eye. A tiny bit, but it still felt like Satan himself was burning me.
Axel5238 29
I got habanero oil in my eyes. When you make chili make sure you use gloves and don't try to wipe your hair away from your face.
SydLovesLacey 18
Okay, there are far worse things than this..
RA91 26
Ô.ō wow, that is some luck you got there op.
LondonderryAir 9
You need to practice blinking...