Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML
Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Sounds like you should just invest in some permanent goggles
ckerane 16
I bet your eyes are sore
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Comments (104)
ckerane 16
I bet your eyes are sore
Lebeaugars95 20
Eye feel for you OP
adrian1910 15
Why did you light a firework inside your house?
wanted_2_want 40
Identity crisis for your Eye. It wants to trade places with your mouth.
cryssycakesx3 23
mmm chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash....
Ichiya 29
Sounds like an interesting salad.
wallamanut 14
just wait until you get some Sriracha in your eye. That and getting some sand in there that took a day and a half to get out are the most painful things in the world.
WCARlover 35
Sounds like you should just invest in some permanent goggles
MeanBeagle 22
or just glasses so you can see to get out the way..
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 12
Best decision I made after a tabasco sauce incident.
wallamanut 14
I just saw a poster the other day in my chemistry lab that said: "Carol never wore her safety goggles. Now she can't see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch."
mwali02 32
Great choice for an elective surgery! ;)
leopardwilliam 22
Invest in some safety glasses
Carpenter_C 14
It sounds like they may need a full face shield instead.
False_Stupidity 42
Hell, just go for the full body protective suit!
thefella 10
Hopefully it wasn't all in one day
SystemofaBlink41 27
If it was, I'd like to know what happens in a day where spaghetti sauce and firework ash are part of it.
Ichiya 29
A normal Friday night for me.
ilovemsminaj 13
Grab some safety goggles, they don't look that unattractive
devildog562 33
You might want to get a splash mask. I'm trying to figure out how you manage to get all these things in your eyes... Either extremely clumsy, or unlucky.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
Or a parent. You'd be amazed at what damage a two year old can do. (though the firework ash is probably not the result of a kid)
devildog562 33
No, no my daughter has never thrown stuff in my eye but I guess some of that is possible. She bite me a few times but I bit her back and that was the end of that.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
I actually wasn't thinking about them throwing stuff so much as just getting it everywhere. My son likes to wait till his hands are coated with something awful and then reach for my eyeglasses. I've been attacked with Alfredo sauce, ketchup, mustard, ranch dressing, sour cream, and butter. Not to mention the exquisite pain of taking a Lego to the side of the head, or being headbutted in the nose. It's never malicious, and as he gets older, he's become a LOT better. But when he was younger, his excitement for learning something new usually resulted in pain for my wife and I.
CurvyisCool 22
Why kind of fumbly hands do you have?
Liamj774 36
Eye bet you didn't see that one coming.
onlychildFTW 34
Not with all the stuff he gets in, that's for sure. I don't know how he can get that many different things in there.
Shakazulu1216 13
For ur own good, u should probably wear safety goggles for The rest of ur life
badluckalex 23
grammar Nazis must be killing themselves right now
sunnyray812 42
Time to make sure your eyes are always protected. Safety goggles may be the best solution. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's better than becoming blind in the future or having bad eye infections.