Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML
Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Sounds like I have a spin-off of the Twilight franchise. Instead of vampires that suck blood, they lick eyelids. Team Edwin!!! He doesn't sparkle -- he has thousands of tiny LEDs mounted in his skin.
HokieJ 10
There are better ways to get your zinc and magnesium daily intake. They make a pill for that!
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Comments (3)
HokieJ 10
There are better ways to get your zinc and magnesium daily intake. They make a pill for that!
RichardPencil 32
Sounds like I have a spin-off of the Twilight franchise. Instead of vampires that suck blood, they lick eyelids. Team Edwin!!! He doesn't sparkle -- he has thousands of tiny LEDs mounted in his skin.
Yudith 28
And that's why make-up is always non toxic.