Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
Today, I was helping a friend with a DIY project and thought it would be fun to add some glitter to the mix. We ended up using WAY too much, and now I have glitter everywhere. Not only am I covered head to toe, but I keep finding it in the weirdest places, like inside my shoes, on my phone, and even in my coffee cup. FML
Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML
Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
Sounds like you should just invest in some permanent goggles
ckerane 16
I bet your eyes are sore
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Comments (104)
DocDrose 20
wear safety glasses
momac86 17
Invest in some goggles
Soleia_Grace 15
I've had the same but with glo-stick that stuff burns. I got pizza and Swedish fish out of though so I guess that's a plus. but I wouldn't recommend it
B1ackthesun 31
Don't worry op mine includes iodine, wine, and apple cider vinegar... which was the worst pain EVER. My eyes hurt for days!
Soleia_Grace 15
not sure to up vote or downvote because I feel your pain and don't want to say yay good for you to feel pain or yes I feel sorry for you. So, I just upvoted you because I am sorry for the pain
GentlemanBastard 15
My worst was rubbing alcohol. That was an awful experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy
stewpididiot 11
Is common sense just not in your vocabulary or were just that sheltered ????sounds like it might be a complete fail on you're parents part....you do know about wiping after pooping,right???
oathkeeper99 31
On New Year's Eve before I cracked a glow stick to make it light up the way you do, the plastic split and the liquid squirted in my eye. When midnight hit I was still in the bathroom agonisingly trying to get it out. That was a crappy New Years.
mutly98 8
You know the big huge ones that go on a string? I was laying down messing with it and the whole broke open over my eyes. I was probably about 6, but I never told my parents.
Hakwee 2
I went camping on Friday the thirteenth stupidly and my little sister jabbed me in the eye with her metal fire poker. I'm lucky not to be blind.
fader48080 10
you really should think about getting glasses. even of you don't need them just get blank lenses.
mutly98 8
I have worn glasses for almost my whole life and still get things in my eyes. They really only help me see.
newburton13 26
Sounds like you lead an exciting life though. Invest in goggles, maybe some Steampunk ones.