Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my Stanley mug of coffee. Halfway to work, I took a big swig only to realize I had grabbed my son’s thermos of chicken noodle soup, which I then spat out. My car now smells like a deli, and I'm still uncaffeinated. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
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Top comments
liv_graham 7
**** your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.
FizzyApple 3
One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.
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Comments (99)
NzaHaFML 13
Next time, try asking your dad what type of soup he's making to avoid this.
isitinmybedroom 11
That just sounds like a dirty joke
MrSassypants 34
I disagree. If all people thought that we would have less ****.
unknown_user5566 27
1- I think it's less about what type of soup he's making, and more about the type (and quantity) of seasoning that he's using.
thenamestaco171 2
In my household it is extremely rude to ask what you are having to eat. It shows that you have something you do not want to eat, and therefore waste good food.
ToxicTyrael 26
#100 where are you from?
liv_graham 7
**** your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.
BradyT918 9
The ash tray is a good choice. But you can never have to much hot sauce. Never
fmfreakinlife 3
It will put hair on their chest. Life happens.
pokefan813 16
69 - you say that now, but when you are on the toilet, your thoughts will be different.
Meettitan 14
**** that; fill their stockings with coal, and don't come out of your room on Christmas.
liv_graham 7
Do you know how much coal is worth now? If OP wanted to be cruel, they could just give them lint.
Mrjangleybits 1
You have am awesome family
louiserosen 4
No.
OhAidan 7
How does this even make OP's family awesome?
Acik91 26
Well, it could have been an attempt at sarcasm, I guess?
Rosie_Posie43 12
If my family made my life seem like a home alone skit... Well hell yeah they'd be pretty awesome
anythingmustbe 18
I guess you were in the soup. But never mind rise from the ashes of defeat and prank your dad back.
Nightwing98 22
These puns get dumber every time a new FML comes out.
MrClean17 15
"I guess you were in the soup." This has to be the worst pun I've seen in a while on this site.
Axipiter 24
The idea is that it's supposed to seem at least somewhat natural, and not like you were trying wayyy too hard. Failure.
cristy91 33
51, I'd be careful saying that, someone might take it as a challenge
onlychildFTW 34
Yes, because OP was in soup.
AllyyK 9
#6 ' You were in the soup' Well, atleast you can say you tried. You should probably leave the 'funny' comments and puns to the people who are actually.. Funny?
Harpy20 24
Between that and bugs, cans are always bad news after being left unattended. I would've skipped the can and hit the sink. FYL.
sirpantselot 22
Also soda is just the worst after spicy food. Mouth burn!!
the_smart_way 10
What did the sink ever do to you?
PinkieKeen 20
Soda just shakes the hotness around. Jamaican food. ;-;.
FizzyApple 3
One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.
iOceanus 18
That's...so disgusting...
chriswright1888 10
Your dad sounds like an idiot. You should plot revenge
unknown_user5566 27
He's an idiot for using too much hot sauce? He probably put in an amount that he finds enjoyable, and OP just didn't have a high enough tolerance for it... not exactly an "idiot" moment.
CharresBarkrey 16
No, OP's probably just a pussy with spicy foods.
VaanBasch 1
YDI for going for a soda can that you didn't even open yourself.
Alliente 9
Oh Yeah, He's so in the wrong for trying to put out the flames in his mouth with the nearest open drink that happened to be filled with ash. Lets poor hot sauce down your throat and see how well you fare.
LairaIsKindaCool 6
It was in OPs own house.. I doubt it'd be roofied.
T9FTW 20
shoenice?
T9FTW 20
Does no one know that I'm referencing shoenice22, the YouTube? Sheesh, those thumb downs are harsh!
unknown_user5566 27
I don't think that's what the hot sauce company had envisioned when they created the "smokey" flavored hot sauce.
tsent8 15
Oh you