Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, after I foolishly agreed to look after my mom's cat while she went on holiday, I woke up with her on my chest, and she must've been making biscuits on me in her sleep for hours because one of my boobs looks like it had an infectious skin disease that I tried to cut off with a grinder. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Chloe555_fml 27
I hate having these daily Mammograms, Dr Mittens.
ojosRojos 28
Does your boob size really make a difference? I’m not an E cup but that would definitely still hurt me lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (39)
tarabella 7
She has confused your boobs with hippity-hops. Easy mistake, tho hippity hops would be slightly smaller.
RichardPencil 32
My dog licks my face at 7 am. I have a donkey dong.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Apparently, that problem can be solved with peanut butter. Although, the internet does contain many falsehoods, so start with a pea-sized amount, and work up once you have confirmed this to be true.
ARISKomuniszt 24
perfect comment xD
Eivana 37
Don't let her in your room, then.
Satan7734 13
Bet your nickname is "E Cups Elizabeth"
VanTufty 13
Ha ha “E cups” Anyone here have E cups? It’s like a Simpsons joke at the MO’s bar 🤣
chosha_fml 27
Spray bottle by your bed would stop this pretty quickly.
fjvitt 14
I do the same thing to my wife...
purplecatlady 14
I’m sorry - congrats on your cup size and all, but how is that at all relevant? Would a cat jumping on A-cups be any less painful?
draghkar 18
Jeebus, I don’t get to sleep in until 7:30 even on my days off.
Charlie Given 28
what never seen a cat on a trampoline 😂
Rabite 28
Love how the unnecessary mentioning of OPs cup size makes all the creeps come out. Match made in heaven I guess?